The Great Game

Language is generous when it comes to tasks of the heart. Other organs have just one term for their functions. The kidney filters, the lung oxygenates and the stomach digests. But the hopeless romanticism of man has provided the heart with an endless litany of possibilities. And so a heart can gallop. A heart can beat, hammer, pump, drum, melt or sink. Or break. A heart can be burned out of someone. And that’s worse than death, that’s worse than boredom, that’s worse than sleep.

I must confess

my heart's in broken pieces and my head's a mess.

Subdued Music and Secluded Couches

In spite of the heat you and I sit pressed close, side by side, arms to wrists to hips to knees. I'm curled with my head on your shoulder, comfortable enough to get sleepy but happy enough to want to stay awake. You do something that surprises me. You plant a light kiss on my head before leaning to rest your head against mine. Maybe you think I have fallen asleep? Maybe I have, after all. We stay that way for a minute, maybe two. It's a small gesture, but one that speaks volumes. Later, when the music is louder and the lights brighter, I'll wonder if it really happened at all.

Hitch

You pull your cell phone out of your pocket
and your shirt rises slightly with the motion of your hand.
One glimpse of smooth skin and you have me reeling again.

I am not satisfied with the way this has turned out. I am not at peace with the idea that you will stride away from me, from all of us girls, our boyfriends, parents, best friends, sisters and brothers completely unscathed. The fact that you say you're improving doesn't change what you did, and you still deserve comeuppance. Those who put their trust in you should understand what kind of person they have been believing in.
I have not taken this all as gracefully as the other girls, perhaps because I have not had as much time to sweep it under my psychological rug as they have. Perhaps because your betrayal of me was physical, rather than just emotional. Maybe they're just better, more forgiving women than I am. But at the end of the day, half of this little town knows what kind of awful person you are and still no one is brave enough to stand next to me when I propose outing you to the public. And that is a sad and terrible truth. It crushes me that you've silenced the voices of some of the most wonderful young women I know. You don't deserve the good things in your life. The credit, the accolades, the affection. Besides that, I honestly feel like not saying anything at this point is cowardly and would be letting down everyone who has helped to sculpt me into who I am, not to mention putting other girls in danger of being in my exact position. WHEN SOMEONE IN A POSITION OF AUTHORITY IS BLATANTLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF AND HURTING THE PEOPLE WHO TRUST HIM, HE SHOULD BE STOPPED. Shouldn't he? Doesn't anyone agree with me?

"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men."
-Abraham Lincoln

Pavement

I am made of blue sky and hard rock and I will live this way forever.

I may be on a downer, I'm still ready to dream

The smell of your shampoo hangs

heavily on the steam filling the room

for a while after you've gotten out of the shower.

And I'm overcome by the knowledge that I'll

never

/not/be/in/love\with\you\

You took a white orchid, turned it blue

Green skies/Brown eyes
Funnel clouds/My thoughts are so
damn
Loud.
Mentor/Protector
Undercover/Lover

You trusted me so easily when you asked me not to ruin your life.
I guess you didn't really leave yourself a choice.
Backed yourself into a corner
pleaded control of my voice.

I liked your accent that you had trained yourself to hide
your tattoos, your sincerity, your honest passion.
Your knowledge, your easy smile, your pride.
The way you seemed like an honest to goodness real man.
A gentleman.

You liked that I made it all so simple.

It can be hard to be near you,

but it's always worse to be apart.

We'll never be you and me

and it breaks my heart.

But near and quiet

is better than far and silent.

Mirror in the sky, what is love?

I've been afraid of changing
cos I built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
children get older.
I'm getting older, too.

Kuroi Kaiju

At the base of Mt. Fuji there is a Sea of Trees
that has long been associated with death.
In the distant past it was utilized in the practice of ubasute.
But since 1950 more than 500 people
have taken their own lives amongst those trees.
It's said that the forest is so dense that even at mid day
it isn't difficult to find areas completely shrouded in darkness.
Due to the density, which blocks wind flow, and an absence of wildlife,
Aokigahara exists in an eerie silence.

Experimental

I could be the leader, the voice, the pale hands wrapped around the microphone. I'll cradle it, singing love songs with you like I really mean them. Later you'll reek of the night, beer and smoke and musty stage light all over you. My name will crash between us like a plane shot out of the sky and I'll say something that tastes like "please." You and I will arrive at sunset and not leave until dawn, as though darkness itself were only a myth, disproved by modernity.