The First Step

Are you gonna be okay, honey?

I don't know, Sam, but I'm smiling.

I hear that's the first step.

Its a nice first step.

Seeing Isn't Always Believing

I'm remembering my dreams more lately.

Sometimes in the usual

"I had such a weird dream last night"

way.

But more often

something during my day

sparks a feeling of recognition.

I've seen this?

I did something like this?

And I know

that I've dreamed it.

Perhaps the night before

or two weeks ago

This strange remembering of mine

confuses me at times.

Because I swear I've seen that look in your eyes,

that hopeful quirk of your smile,

the flattering, sweet chivalry in your words.

But I swear it was someone else before.

You Show Your Pain Like It Really Hurts

And I can't even begin to feel mine.

Hello there, little one.

Can I just tell you that I'm sorry?

So very sorry.

I'm sorry that you never got to see this world,

so bright, so alive, so colorful, wonderful, fresh-air-beautiful,

and I'm sorry that the last thing you knew was

nothing but impact.

You probably were lovely.

You probably were beautiful.

You probably had your daddy's blue eyes

and your momma's fire-engine-red spirit.

Are things like "spirit" already encoded

in beings at your stage of development?

We couldn't have given you much,

and things would have gotten very dificult

in a lot of ways,

but we could have loved you.

Or at least loved you enough to make sure

you'd always be loved by someone.

We gambled,

we lost.

But we might have won, in a way.

You probably were smart.

You probably would've had great taste in music.

You probably would have had a best friend

and fantastic hair.

Big, curly, blonde hair.

And a smile that could light up a city.

We love you

even when you're not here anymore.

When worlds collided

in a cosmic crash.

And in the dark, smoky settling

of the glass and debris

you were lost.

Could I just be you tonight?

Up Up And Away

i think it turned ten o'clock but i don't really know
then i can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and i couldn't stop myself
i started running but there's no where to run to
i sat down on the street and took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

i believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well i guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come

How long till we're confronted
with how far we've come?

This is more than a story of
The end of the world.
It's a story of hanging on,
of being terrified,
and then

letting go.

Because letting go is the only way to move forward.

It's a story of people whose loved ones
have died.

Of love that's broken up.

Of kids whose best friends have
gone to college,

the army,

across the country,

out of our lives.

And all of these things
are the end of the world
for someone.
The end of one
specific
someone's world.

And they've gotta pick up.
And they've gotta move on.
And they've gotta find out
just how far they've come.

Impact.

yes, i believe in love,

yes, i'm a dreamer.

but i'm not alone.

there are more of us than you suspect,

and we've got bombs.

bombs of truth and beauty.

Living On Hold.

there's more to this story.

but i don't feel like telling it right now.

HIATUS.

new subject.

Eff it. Nuke it. Start over.

Life In The Living Room III

The concert.

It was in Cleveland.

Three hours there, three hours back.

45 dollars for ticket and gas that I'll never see again.

All totally worth it.

I fell in love

with music I'd barely given a passing glance.

I made friends

and played the "A, my name is Amy" game

with the people near us in line.

I stood up against the stage, right in the deathwall

and got touched by the lead singer.

Who didn't have pants.

I stumbled out of that place

bruised from my face to my feet,

dehydrated, soaked with sweat, exhausted,

and so so so so happy.

Alive.

Life In The Living Room II

It started with a decision to say Yes.

A friend and I were hanging out.

It was about seven and we were in Greensburg

when he asked "Wanna go make our mono-ridden friend soup?"

Our mono-ridden friend lives in Latrobe, so by the time we would get there,

make soup, socialize and get back it would be late-ish.

I started to say no, like the responsible adult type thing I am,

then thought

"Why not?"

(famous last words?)
(or famous first words?)

We went, listened to loud music and on the way there
stopped in a parking lot to dance.
I so easily could have missed the entire thing.
So when he asked if I would go to a concert with him the following week,
I said

yes.

Life In the Living Room.

I feel like I'm seeing things again.

Not that my life has been bad lately.

It's been quite copacetic.

Mike and I are rather happy, school is going well, my job's a breeze, family's been chill, I'm making new friends and reconnecting with old ones.

Yeah, life is good.

But I haven't been living. Just existing.

Existing well, but still.

There's more.

Philosophy At Its Finest

"If a tree falls in the middle of the woods, and there are six stoners there to hear it, does it make a noise?"

"It'd better, 'cause I just heard something."