Here we are again. Feel the chemicals kicking in.

The kids are disco dancing.

They're tired of rock and roll.

There's no use telling them that drum machine

ain't got no soul.

Did you hear what they said?

That rock and roll is dead?

Yeah, it's like a zombie,

it'll dig itself back up again.

We can't rewind now, we've gone too far

As far as karma goes, $140 is a small price to pay.

I still think the fines should have been equal, though.

I forgot to say out loud...

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?

The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.

But baby I don't mean it.

I promise.

Warning

There are a lot of us now. I wouldn't make a move if I were you.

What are you waiting for? Say goodbye to my heart tonight.

You can call now if you want/can.

Can we text? I'm at home.

Sure.

I feel bad like we may have just ruined our friendship.

I hope not. I know this isn't a big deal in the big picture.

I just wanna know that we're okay.

Yeah, I guess. I mean.

We were stupid and all

but it stopped early so,

y'know.

I agree. And I truly appreciate your

friendship and company.

I know that we can be

smarter going forward,
maintaining boundaries.

I feel like any notion of this being spoken to

anyone could ruin both of our lives.

Agreed?

Yeah, don't tell anyone.

Even if there was chemistry this

couldn't happen and we both know it.

I'm not a slut or something.

I've never thought that and I don't think that.

And I'm not like that either.

I won't tell and I hope you won't either

because it would ruin my marriage, job

and devastate my kids.

Ugh. I'm sorry.

Okay.

Good =) I'm thinking we should

delete this text convo.

Cool?

******************************************

If I ask you a question will you

give me an honest answer?

Yes. What do you want to ask?

How far would things have gone

had I not stopped them?

I don't think it would've gone any further.

I didn't have a plan, per se.

But I could've gotten caught up in it pretty easily.

I don't know. It just happened.

I'd like for you to answer the same question

please.

I would like to hear your opinion.

Well, I stopped the whole thing,

so obviously that's all the

farther I would have gone, right?

Sorry. I didn't think of it like that.

But I can assure you that it wasn't premeditated.

It just happened.

That's what leads me to believe that it would've

stopped there regardless.

May I know what made you ask?

I dunno. Just overanalyzing, I guess.

I mean, you didn't tell her that you were with me

and you were going to make me hide from her.

I felt like a dirty mistress or something.

I panicked in the moment,

that's why I asked you to go upstairs.

She wasn't upset that you were there.

She didn't know you were there
because we hadn't spoken prior to your coming.

I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen.

And I didn't mean to make you feel that way.

It was all a big accident.

Have your feelings about it changed since last night?

Mine haven't. I just grieve any

damage done to our frendship.

Please answer me.

Not really, I've just been thinking about it a lot

and the more I think about it the more

confused I get.

I understand. I'm sorry.

I have no explanation for any of this to assist you.

It happened and then I freaked.

There's no meaning or insight into any of it.

What followed it was a product of the

freaking out.

Hey I feel like this should all be

deleted as well.

Do you agree?

I'm sorry. I feel like a total failure.

Please forgive me.

No it's fine- I'll erase it, don't worry.

I dunno.

Do we need to talk about this more or

just forget it?

I don't need to talk about it.

But I will if you feel it's necessary.

Do you?

Nah, I'm good.

So where does this leave us?

Great friends with a better

understanding of each other.

Agree or disagree?

Yeah, sure.

You say SORRY too often.

Okay. So. WHERE to even begin.

I get angry hearing about people like you

second hand, third hand, in the paper, movies, books.

It's people like you that are the reason

that parents keep getting more worried

and wives more doubtful with every passing day.

People like you make me sick.

And the fact that you somehow tricked me

into letting you THIS CLOSE to me,

the fact that you made me trust you

and then turned out to be a complete creep?

I am so angry.

Maybe with myself a little for not seeing it.

But mostly I have no trouble placing blame where it belongs.

You're an insecure, ridiculous, immature person.

You don't get satisfaction at home so you try to find it elsewhere.

Try to make me feel responsible for giving it to you.

THATS NOT MY JOB.

You are much older than me.

When I was still a child you were an adult.

So act like one.

I shouldn't be the one who has to push you away.

I shouldn't have to be the one to say no.

You say, In another world.

You say, In a past life.

You say, Slippery slope,

chemistry, I love knowing that there's

nothing going through your mind right now,

I haven't felt this way since the last time I saw you.

I say, Felt what way?

You say, Connected to another person.

You play with my hair, touch my arm,

laugh at my jokes and quirks.

You play just because you know you can.

Make me feel pretty, wanted and uncomfortable.

You press closer than ever before

And when I push you away you look sad

before you apologize,

and I know you're not sorry you did it, but sorry that

I said, No.

She appears unexpectedly and you say, Hide.

You say, Wait no, pretend to borrow something.

You say, Lie to cover my CHEATING ASS.

I hate you for making me that girl.

Y'know, the OTHER one.

It's All Happening

I'm so content. I have a tough job with a lot of new friends and an easy job with little to no socialization. I'm thinking about picking up a bunch of certifications so that wherever I am I'll be able to get a decent job. Bar tending is first on the list, cos, well, it's interesting and bar tenders make kick ass money. Second, I think is massage therapy. (I'm really good with my hands.) After that I'm not sure, maybe I'll pick up an in-home care certification or a sonogram tech program and probably some typing/filing courses to make myself more hireable in office assistant positions.

Mike is starting to look seriously at grad schools which is terribly exciting. I hope he gets in somewhere beautiful; Oregon or Colorado or California. Okay, maybe not California. Living there is very expensive. I have a friend who used to live there and she told me that an efficiency in the San Fransisco area would cost around $2000/month. Also, apparently school funding out there got cut outrageously, so higher education isn't all it could be elsewhere. (There's a lot to consider here.) Only one thing is sure right now: wherever Mike goes I'll be going with him.

So here's a scary thought. I know we're young and all, but after two years it's only natural for a couple to start talking about marriage. I mean, my mom and dad met and got married after 5 months. Okay, so that one didn't really work out (they split when I was 11 months old) but here's the humdinger: she married my stepfather after just 3 months of knowing him and they've been together for, like, 17 years (and are happy as ever). That in mind, I firmly believe that when you know, you know. And I also firmly believe that I definitely know when it comes to Mike. All that being said, we've talked about it and "assuming we're still together" (a phrase one must use to avoid jinxing a relationship) we want to get married the summer after his senior year, before we move away and all of our friends scatter to the ends of the earth to settle where they will. But weddings generally take a while to plan ( like a year) which, and here's where things get freaky, means we'd have to get engaged somewhere between the end of his junior year/beginning of senior year (that's...really soon). The whole thing isn't scary to me personally (Mike and I are amazing together/compliment each other/are in love/have no doubts about wanting to be with each other), but it's a tiny bit frightening from a social standpoint. What will our families think? (Well, I know what HIS family will think. His parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all think he's wasting his time with me and that it's only a matter of time until he comes to his senses and dumps me) What will our friends think? (Honestly, they've probably been waiting for the news since senior year) Is it wise to get married when he's about to jump into grad school and a whole new world of debt? Are we too young? WILL HE EVEN LIKE THE WAY I WANT TO DECORATE THE HOUSE? (of course he will, I have impeccable taste!)

Okay, I'm actually not worrying at all, I'm mostly just bull shitting. If it's meant to happen it will, and plus there will always be another reason to not do something. What you have to remember at the end of the day is that there are still a million and a half reasons you should.