Don't You Know It's Gonna Last?

Whatever happened to the nights when I had a cigarette hanging off my lips, my hair flying in my face not so gracefully, when we would speed over the hills and through those winding roads with our feet not touching the ground and our hands clasped tight, just talking, just getting familiar with each other's faces. Blinking back tears because my stomach was cramping up, you have the greatest sense of humor. I really need you to tell me I'm going to come out of this okay. Will you be there when I'm glazed in fluorescent light, when my wires and veins sync? I am bleary eyes and heavy sighs and you are just everything I could want with your pretty eyes and friendly smiles. I am a bird in your hand.



I'm dancing in your living room. We are throwing our hands in the air, we are singing about falling in love, with glasses of red red wine and champagne, occassionally sloshing and making its way to the floor. We don't care if there is a hurricane outside, our cheeks are rosy and we are surrounded by wonderfully educated people. The night refused to end and I was fine. I sneak a smoke on the back porch with your sister and we discuss school, starfishes, the usual. I saw you hanging off the banister, swaying backward, I grabbed your hand and we somehow found ourselves downstairs. You backflipped over the couch and were stringing your sentences together much as I am now, speaking in tongues. Truthful tongues. You kept using your hands for emphasis at the wrong times, told me you loved me and we both laughed while you repeated that I was very beautiful, that I am sweet, that I should go hang out with your sister, that I'm smart and easy to talk to. About how lonely you are and your inferiority issues and how sometimes you want to kill yourself. It made me sad that I was the only one you could talk to like this. But proud, too. In the morning you looked completely different. Your shadows were gone, your face was pale, your voice was monotone and your words direct. It's fine, I said, because it really was just fine.

This is a lie. A best kept secret and I am okay with that.

Because if light were thrown on our shadows

I don't know what would become of us.

You wanna dance? Let's go dancing!

Can you sing me to sleep tonight? I miss you

I think we're having a heat wave.

Never mind the blistering winds, my cheeks were rosy.

I won't stop loving you.

All the things you are.

Give me your honest opinion...

How do you know I will?

I don't.