Begging For Another Chance At It All

I miss that family so much. I miss dodgeball. I miss the youth musical. The old days, when me, Cara, Abby, Laura and matt Claney were the only kids from our grade that went. Sitting in Tim Hunt's basement every Thursday night with Tim, Mark, Jeff Morris, Bryan, and sometimes one or two others, and then, later, in the corner of the L couch every Tuesday night with fifteen, twenty, twenty-five people. Surrounded by a group I trusted completely. People who knew more about me than I did. I miss walking into the building and having eight different friends run toward me, arms outstretched, wanting a hug and to hear/tell the latest. Holding a friend, sobbing into their hair and them not minding. Mostly because they were sobbing onto my shirt. Playing piano and singing with Kayla. Taking dumb pictures with Katie and the awkward way we hugged because we're the same height. Topics class, the lock in, ASP, Guitar Hero, handprints, graffiti boards, holding hands, under the stairs confession sessions, stretching my arms out, up to the sky, singing my heart out, my soul about burst. He is jealous for me. He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. Mark playing Jason Mraz songs, Mark teaching me how to look into the emotion of the Truth, Mark with his t-shirts and jeans and converse and Bible and guitar. Singing on the worship team. Skipping Sunday school but attending youth group devotedly. And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all. I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to you surrendered. All I am is yours. Sitting in the choir room, causing a ruckus for Bill, then Jean. I like to think they loved us anyway. Skipping youth once or twice, cause someone just needs to talk. That morning that Bree pulled me out of church to go vent in Mark's office. Sneaking back into the church at 11pm with PM, Cara, Seth, Christian and Kaitlin to cover the floor in verses. Kaitlin brought caffeinated beverages. Dance parties, King's Fest, Bryan Joseph, Bethany, Courtney, Jen, Alex, Matt, Cate, Laura, Lorris, Abby, Zaq, Claneys, Ande, Tim, Bree, Amber, Chelsea, Alec, Katie, Theresa, Katti, Natalie, Ange everybody who was a constant part of my life. Everyone that i haven't seen or talked to in months. CrabCrabCrab. That musical where we got Bill to dress up like a sheep. Every retreat we ever had and the absolutely stunning memories that I have from them. Running through the aisles at the concert, a chain of hundreds. Prayer labyrinths. And realising that God might just have a Southern accent. Broken Yoke, Harlend, Through A Glass, Casting Crowns (Katie Brown, do you remember that summer we spent listening to Casting Crowns and decorating the graffiti boards?), Hawk Nelson, Third Day, Family Force Five, Relient K, David Crowder, TobyMac. I miss it all.